How to Increase Your Capacity

CAPACITY. CAPACITY. CAPACITY.

It's such a buzzword and not a lot of people actually know what it means. So, let's break it down.

The literal definition is: "the maximum amount or number that something can hold, store, or produce, or a person's ability to do something" (Merriam-Webster).

The word traces back to the Latin capax, which means "able to hold."

A lot of people use a cup to describe capacity...your cup can only hold so much. That's not a bad way to think about it, but I don't love it, because a cup has to physically contain everything or it spills. I prefer to think of it as a plate. Some people's plates are paper plates, while other people's plates are thick, hard pottery. I love the image of a plate, too, because a plate doesn't have to hold everything up on the plate. It simply sets the foundation and allows everything else to take responsibility. 

Picture a flimsy paper plate at a Fourth of July cookout. You pile on a burger, a scoop of potato salad, and some baked beans. By the time you walk across the yard, the bean juice has soaked through the middle, the plate is folding in half, and you're holding it with both hands and ketchup on your hands.

Now picture a stoneware plate. Under that same "stress", you could add a slice of pie and it would hold that too.

IS YOUR CURRENT CAPACITY A PAPER PLATE OR POTTERY?

A paper plate day looks like this: your toddler knocks a full cup of raw milk off the table while the chicken are burning in the oven, and you yell so loud you scare yourself. Your husband walks in and asks "what's for dinner?" and immediately you want to throw him in the oven, too. A text from your mom has been sitting unopened for three days because you know it'll send you spiraling.

A pottery day looks like this: same milk, same smoking oven, same annoying comment about dinner, and same mom, but instead of spiraling, you simply grab a towel, pull the food out of the oven, and maybe even laugh about it with your kid.

The circumstances were identical. The plate (you) was different.

COOL BEANS, BUT SO WHAT

Your capacity lives in your nervous system. All day long, your body is asking one question: Am I safe?

When the answer is yes, your body has room. You think clearly, you respond with patience, you can feel your feelings without drowning in them, and you can receive love.

When the answer is no, your body shifts into survival (fight, flight, or shutdown), and anything extra is eliminated. THIS IS NORMAL and EXACTLY HOW GOD DESIGNED IT. 

What surprises most women is that their body might be answering "no" based on something that happened when they were seven. If you learned as a little girl that love had to be earned by being good, quiet, or helpful, your nervous system is still running on that. So, the unfinished laundry, your MIL's raised eyebrow, the "no" you want to say to someone all register as danger. That uses up a huge amount of capacity!!

Regulation can help you carry a paper plate more carefully but it can't turn it into pottery.

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR CAPACITY

The cool thing is that you can always INCREASE your current capacity. How? By healing the inner vows, lies, and judgments that are keeping you stuck and keeping your body in survival.

An inner vow sounds like: "I will never depend on anyone."
A lie sounds like: "If I rest, I'm lazy."
A judgment sounds like: "My mother was cold, and I will never be like her."

Each one is a "soggy" (is this the new "moist" lol) spot in the middle of your plate. When we bring them to Jesus, name where they came from, renounce the vow, forgive, and receive His truth in place of the lie, your body gets new information that you're actually safe. 

Isaiah says we are the clay and He is the Potter. Why do I keep talking about a plate being made of pottery? Well, when I was in college,I took a pottery class because #liberalarts and I learned SO MUCH. I wasn't very good at it, but what I learned is that pottery starts out not very strong but gets its strength in the kiln. THE BURNING HOT OVEN makes the clay SO STRONG when the clay is composed correctly!!! The same heat that would turn a paper plate to ash is what makes clay strong. The hard places in your story don't have to be what breaks you. In His hands, they can be what makes you strong enough to hold your life.

Now, it's super important to remember that capacity may look different in different seasons. CAPACITY CHANGES WITH THE SEASON

Acknowledging that IS part of your capacity (a lot of people actually can't/don't recognize it!!). Your capacity even shifts within a single month. The week before your period, your body is doing a lot of work, and that's a good week to say yes to pizza and no to hosting Bible study.

Why is this the longest email? Because this is SO IMPORTANT. Increasing your capacity doesn't just mean you increase your ability to get stuff done, but also to show up for your family in the way God wants for you. I'm a living example of what it looks like to expand your capacity. Today, I'm able to hold 6 kids, 2 businesses, clients, my marriage, home, our health. So, I can help you increase your capacity.

I didn't get here by trying harder. I got here by healing the wounds that kept my body in survival. 

Here's what a pottery plate gives you:

• You can say your price and then just.. stop talking. No more, “but I totally understand if that’s too much.” You say the number, you take a sip of your coffee, and you let her answer.

• One email doesn’t wreck your week anymore. no more drafting a reply in your head while doing the dishes or up at 2am replaying it. Now you write back, you’re kind, you’re clear, and then you go make lunch without thiknking about it.

• You can say yes to more clients and still make it to soccer. You’re actually watching your son play on Thursday night. You’re not in the car with the heat running, answering messages and hoping he doesn’t look over and see you on your phone. This made me so sad when I saw this happen on Wednesday...a 5 year old was so happy bc he hit the ball well and he looked at his dad and waved/smiled but his dad was on his phone.😭😭

• Your husband doesn't get psycho-you (I had a client say this when we first started working together, ha!). It’s 5:30, kids are playing, someone spilled the water, dinner is about to boil over, but you’re still okay. Maybe you’re even laughing. He walks in and you’re glad to see him.

You become the woman God had in mind before the wound shaped how you survive.

If you're tired of carrying your life on a paper plate, time to make some pottery!! 

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