I went into my first birth completely uneducated. By the grace of God, I delivered my daughter mostly unscathed. 

Going into my second birth, I again was not educated, but had an inkling of something should be different. I ended up having a precipitous labor (~1.5 hours). I barely made it to the hospital in time and ended up hemorrhaging 5 hours later. I was rushed into emergency surgery and it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Afterwards, I felt so alone, scared, and had no idea what happened to me. 

​A couple of years later, I again went into my 3rd pregnancy scared, unsure, and feeling helpless. I wanted to ask the doctors so many questions, but didn't want to feel like a burden. So, I when he said I needed to be induced, I listened. I didn't question him or ask for a reason. I wasn't offered informed consent. When he said I should have my waters broken, I listened. I wasn't offered informed consent. When he pulled the placenta out of me only moments after the birth, I wasn't told why nor was my body given the chance to deliver the placenta on its own.

When we were having our fourth, I knew I needed something different. I had done a lot of internal work, finally educated myself, and was ready for a change. I had a homebirth and it was a transformative experience.