Originally shared on The Discerning Mother. Listen to the full episode
The title might sound extreme, but if you've experienced a traumatic birth, you know exactly what I mean. That feeling of being completely wrecked - physically, emotionally, spiritually - after bringing your baby into the world. The fear that grips you when you think about having another child because you can't bear the thought of going through that again.
I know because I've been there. After my first few babies, I felt thrown for a loop, like I'd just survived a massive storm. But after experiencing two completely different births - ones that didn't leave me feeling destroyed - I realized something profound: it doesn't have to be this way. Birth can actually be beautiful and make you want to do it again!
The Hidden Impact of Birth Trauma
What many women don't realize is that after a traumatic birth experience, your nervous system goes into overdrive. You're stuck in that fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response, and when you're in that state, it's incredibly difficult to access your intuition or even know what you truly want.
Your subconscious mind starts running the show, replaying the stories you've been told about birth - or the story of your previous traumatic experience. This is why thinking about having another baby can feel so confusing and overwhelming. Your conscious mind wants to make empowered decisions, but your nervous system is calling the shots based on past trauma.
Why Nervous System Regulation is Everything
This might sound trendy, but nervous system regulation is absolutely crucial for birth - and here's why: your nervous system is involved in every aspect of the birthing process. From the nerves in your cervix and pelvic floor to your brain function during labor, especially during the pushing phase when baby is engaged.
While it's normal to have those brief moments of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (it means your nervous system is functioning properly), being stuck there chronically is both fixable and preventable.
One of the most powerful things you can do is prepare for your next birth before you're even pregnant. I know this might seem impossible when you have multiple little kids at home, but I'm going to share some practical approaches that don't require perfect conditions:
The Four Pillars of Pre-Pregnancy Prep:
- Sleep - Quality rest that actually restores your nervous system
- Nutrition - Fueling your body for optimal function and hormone balance
- Rest - And this isn't what you think! It's not about perfect quiet time (because who has that with multiple kids?)
- Mindset - This is absolutely huge and often the missing piece
Understanding What Actually Happens During Birth
Here's something that shocked me: most women go into birth with literally zero understanding of what birth actually is. I know I did with my first baby - probably below zero understanding, if that's even possible!
But here's what I've learned through my own healing journey and midwifery training: we have such beautiful physiology. When you truly understand what your body is designed to do, it completely shifts how you think about birth. Instead of seeing it as something to survive, you begin to see the incredible symphony of hormones and processes working in perfect harmony.
The Ripple Effects You Need to Know About
Your birth experience doesn't end when your baby arrives - it impacts everything that follows:
- Breastfeeding success: I can often predict breastfeeding challenges just by hearing someone's birth story. When babies are taken to the NICU immediately, when mothers can't get out of bed for hours, when that initial bonding is disrupted - it all affects that beautiful cascade of hormones needed for successful breastfeeding.
- Postpartum mental health: Birth trauma directly influences postpartum anxiety, depression, and rage. There's a beautiful symphony of hormones that should happen during birth, first contact, and initial nursing. When any part of that gets damaged, the whole symphony can crash.
And it's crucial to understand: this is not your fault. Sometimes it's just how the situation unfolded.
If you're reading this thinking "that was definitely me," please hear this: it's not foregone. This can absolutely be fixed and healed. Your story doesn't end with that traumatic experience.
Whether you're:
- Not pregnant yet but wanting more children and feeling terrified
- Currently pregnant and scared based on past experiences
- Wondering if you can handle a home birth after multiple C-sections
- Feeling confused about what you even want because your nervous system is so dysregulated
There are practical steps and tools that can help you move forward with confidence instead of fear.
Your Next Chapter
Your body was designed for birth. Your next birth story is waiting to be written, and it can be completely different from your last one. The key is getting the right support - trauma healing, nervous system regulation, proper birth education, and practical preparation tools.
This is exactly why I created my expanded program for mothers who aren't pregnant yet but want more children. It's comprehensive trauma support combined with birth prep and childbirth education, all wrapped into one transformative experience.
Ready to start your healing journey? I regularly host free trainings on this topic. Follow along on Instagram for updates, or listen to the full podcast episode for more details on getting started.
Your past birth experience does not define your future. There is always hope for a different story.
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